Recently, I have been feeling tired and stressed out. Part may be caused by work, while part of the things that are going on in my life.
I always feel tired and for more than a week, I have been feeling headaches and pain in my neck, back and shoulders. Because of worry, I even consulted the company doctor for what I’ve been feeling on my left head.
There were quite a number of events that happened last week, like my previous boss’ wedding, my mom loosing her atm where I deposited her allowance, day to day life experiences – just as anybody experience it. No matter how I tried to relax though (e.g. getting more sleep than needed), I know that what’s bothering me is mental and not physical. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately – like my regularization on my current job (which is a big factor for my decisions), my girlfriend’s visa approval (which she received just this morning), my savings fund (which I try to fill as much as I could). This always lead to my poor performance in any of my roles (boyfriend, son, brother, friend, employee).
Good thing, yesterday, while cleaning a small cabinet, I found my “Follow Your Heart” book and had the chance to continue my reading (which started more than a year ago, by the way). When I checked by the book mark, it lead me to the topic that was just what I needed at the moment. This was the book that helped me understand why one could never push someone to learn something. Only when they begin to search for answers to their questions that the right time then comes. True to it, a lot of things in the book become more alive at the right time only.
The chapter was tackling about one key to finding fulfilment in life, and that is: peace of mind and love. The very thing that’s deteriorating my enthusiasm became clearer as the words unfold their meaning. I realized that trying hard to get things done as soon as possible, as much as possible was the very thing that drained me. I failed to remember that things will always fail once in a while – people, things, schedules; work will fail once in a while.
On my previous entries, you know how fond I am of going to my favourite garden back in Davao. Now, I found one that, although not really replaces it, but at least provides the calmest ambience I can have in this big city. I have been missing out on finding time to relax – not relax as to sleep or watch a movie, but relax as in meditate in silence and solitude. Lately, I have been going to places that not only stress me, but drain me – parties, malls, bars and cinemas. The book mentioned that relaxation does come from within and becomes reinforced when aided by outside factors. Fresh air provides better vibes than air-conditioning, trees and grasses replenishes your energy while flashing lights and concrete walls drain you.
Part and parcel of peace is love. One could not find real peace with hate in his heart. For one to have peace in a dangerous, cruel place that we call world, one must learn to accept people and things. For one to truly do such, he or she must know how to love. For in one aspect, love is accepting something or someone as they are. Finding faults will always drain you, not only of your energy but of your happiness as well. When you could not accept your job, you could always find one. When you could not accept your new found friend, you could always stop communicating with him or her. But when you could not accept the world you live in, you’ll find it difficult to find a new world, can you.
When one begins to look beyond the faults, the failures, the defects, one learns to heal not only others but more so him or herself.
You may say this is not as easy as I say it is. I agree. But it is as well undeniably true. To most, it may take more than half a lifetime to learn this but small baby steps that one strives to achieve day by day is something to begin with.
