I woke up this morning checking my skype account. I wait for Saturdays to talk with my switee through skype. Good thing I now have this PSP with me with built-in skype. Although it does not show the video, at least we could can have voice chat.

I planned to go to the gym and do a bit of buying but opted not to. I decided to stay and tinker a bit with the new toy. After a few game hours, I went to clean the kitchen and fixed myself something to eat.

The day was really fine. By dinner time, I decided to watch the Benjamin Button movie. I planned to watch this in big screen before but didn’t have the time. The movie was, for me, calm and beautiful. It made me realize how I see my life.

Often times, or most of the time, we deal with everyday situations – problems with your roommates, your neighbors, issues at work. Through all this, many times we forget how what we are doing right now becomes a “yesterday” tomorrow… which soon becomes a few months ago a few months from.. and then simply becomes a distant past in the distant future.

With this thought, I went recalling my childhood. I went nostalgic and tried to feel what it was to be five or seven years old. Back then, you always wonder why there are a lot of things you can’t do that adults can’t. Being the youngest of seven siblings, I see and feel this a lot. I recalled how I behave – since oftentimes my requests are refused, I tend to do things my way. I had no one to do things for me. A dog can never get a glass of water for you Although I am quite a chatty boy, I grew up thinking that I am a loner. I seldom share my thoughts to my older siblings. Oftentimes, they didn’t care. There is just so much going around in the adult world that there’s no strength and time to go into mine.

I remember how life was so difficult back then. I remember not knowing my dad until I was about 5. Back then, he was never around. But before I continue, please note that this does not mean I have something against my dad. It’s just that.. that’s the way it happened

As I continue, I grew up with my hands dirty with dust and soil. Well, I was very playful and curious so yes, I get my hands dirty because of playing as well. But other than that, I grew up being taught how to clean the house and do my part with the chores. The house then was very big (well at least for me since I was a small boy then) and the lawn was as well. There were a lot of fruit trees around (about 9). The front yard was beautiful as there was lawn grass in it.

Although I can say my childhood was fun, it was not a fairy tale. I had my share of pains and heartaches.

Imagine this, we were seven siblings, my dad is not around, and my mom does not have a steady job. It was very heavy for her. That then translates to how she handles all seven of us. She was very very, and I tell you, very strict. The last thing she wants to know is her son cutting classes after a day of looking for something to feed her family. I can write indefinitely about my mom but to sum it up, she was strict and she needs to be.

Looking back today, I am so happy to have been her son. I remember the times when she is at home, her and my youngest sister lie down in the landscaped grass, watching the stars. She teach us songs that she learned when she was a child. It was beautiful. I recall now how inspite of the difficulties she faced then, she still had the time to sing songs with us and play with us. Though for her, each day is a problem as to where will she look for money to feed us, she had always shielded us from the painful world that was around us. It was better for her to recieve insults herself than for us to be hurt with harsh words. I can talk about my problems and issues here yet, as I write at this moment, I saw how small my problems are compared to my mom’s. Thanks mom

With the difficulties, I learned to be easily contented with what I have. With little that we have, I grew up to share food with siblings, share bed, share room and share life with plenty of people. As the people in the house is enough already, I did’t have that much friends except at church. At school, I usually have few good ones. I still remember the times when we have no electricity because we can’t pay it on time. We used candles for more than a month to do our home work and evening chores. I also recall selling at school, may it be Otap (biscuit), chocolates or candies. Early on, I was taught to be self-sufficient, thrifty and contented. Having sardines for dinner was already a feast. One can of sardines must be mashed and dilluted into a bowl of noodle soup to feed all eight mouths.

A big part of my childhood was with the church I grew up with. Well, I guess that can be a whole separate entry

I was a small boy (and now a small man). Often times, I defend myself with talking. Maybe that’s how I get my talkative mouth A lot of times too, I catch myself dreaming. And I still do. I remember one time, I was in grade four. It was science class. The wind was cool and it was almost summer. I looked outside the window and I saw this out-of-school boy who was flying a kite. My eyes were caught, thinking about how high the kite was. It was a red kite made up of plastic. I was imagining about flying that kite myself. Suddenly, I heared my teacher called my name loudly, asking me a question. Without giving much thought, I answered as if startled “Ma’am, kite”. And everyone just bursted in laughter. Even my teacher, although a bit furious with me not listening, was laughing at me. It was embarrassing. But I guess at that time I didn’t feel it was a big deal. I’m most often a listener and always tried to excel at school. There was just that one time that I drifted away from my reality during a class discussion

I was taught how difficult life is  without education. That’s one thing my mother always put in our minds. She was not able to go to college herself. That is why she is always supporting our education even at times when we have nothing to eat for lunch or money for fare. Good thing my school was about 45 minutes walk from home

Thinking about what else are interesting to recall, I remember my first crush ( I guess you know this my dear hope you don’t mind me sharing here, hehe). She was the class valedictorian while I was like sixth in the class or so. She was always quick to learn, smart, witty and always had something to say. Maybe that’s why it didn’t last long, haha. Soon I learned she liked another boy, a new boy who transferred to our school for the last two years in elementary. He was actually my childhood neighbor. He was big, healthy and had a fair complexion. I on the other hand was thin, almost malnourished and dark due to the daily home-school-home walk. Oh well, girls always seem to pick those whom they see can protect them. Me, I was the one who needs protection, haha!

Well, that was part of my childhood. I guess I can share more on my future posts Writing this today makes me laugh, smile and even teary-eyed It’s therapeutic. I know looking forward to the future is something that everyone should do. But then I guess, it won’t hurt that much to take a look at the road behind you and how it has been up to this day. It makes one more appreciative of what they have today.

These patches of memories I’m sharing with you were once the “today” of the past. Now, they are the “distant pasts” of my life. If I imagine my life as a line, those were just dots of the whole journey that I am treading even up to this day…

P. S. Love you switee.. miss you