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A Silent Afternoon

Posted on June 11, 2008
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I just finished following up and got my authenticated birth certificate at last. I decided to come here again at MTS. The sun was still up as I got in. I went looking for my favorite spot immediately. It’s a bench with a bush on it’s back – really a good spot to be alone. There was a thin wind but that was all there was in the air. There were a few people around, mostly students. It reminded me that school opening has just got back and the streets will be full of school uniforms again.

The place was serene. The trees were waving slowly. I opened the laptop and the screen was in glare. The sun at my back, although hidden by several tree branches, still managed to reflect in the screen. I had to tilt my lap a little just to get a good view of whatever is happening in the screen.

Then, I checked my mail waiting for any news from the incoming company’s HR. I am getting anxious in going to Makati. Then, I remembered I still have a blog offer undone on one of my blogs. I hastily went to it. These offers were really really helpful for me, especially the past few months. Especially now with the incoming relocation, I need all the financial help I can get.

As I was doing the offer, the sky suddenly rumbled. Soon, the clouds were gathering above me. I think it is about to rain. Better get my jacket ready. The sun’s glare was also getting dimmer. The screen is much better to see. The guy jogging around the oval kept jogging. People were coming in too – two toddlers with there aunts or yayas, a couple finding a bench for themselves, two girls and a boy who sat right in front of me, and a group who sat in one corner who seems to be having fun as their laughter can be heard across the park.

People here could really get lazy around. Just sitting, probably thinking things through (or not thinking about anything at all). Such peace in a quite garden brings one to an introspection, at least in my case. The trees were definitely bigger and taller than a few years back. At a distance, another guy was sitting quietly, resting his chin in his clutched fist, probably counting the branches of the tree in front of him, hehe.

For some time, I wore my Ipod – until my head starts to ache. Do you notice how they make those earpieces? I think they need a better human engineering group to design that, hehe. The sound of silence was much more a soothing music. The birds were playing in the grassy ground. One was trying to carry on its beak a piece of a soda cracker. Quite a catch for an afternoon’s work.

The battery is getting low. Looks like I need to publish this post now. Just a glimpse of the world around me. Until next time. Ciao!

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A Date with Another Girl

Posted on June 10, 2008
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We went together inside a classy cafe. She was excited. It was her first time to dine there. To step into one was like a longing that came true. She had her mocha shake and oatmeal bar. She was very happy. I was very happy too to see her smile like that.

I’m sitting here with her as she talks about things, the ongoings of her life and mine and ours. I realize how I have been holding so much from her. I had tried a lot of things already, things that I know she had always been dreaming of having or trying but did not have the chance and money.

She deserves a lot and I hope it isn’t too late to give her the best experiences of life.

I hope I get to have another date with her soon.

It was a beautiful date with my mom.

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Being You and Me in We

Posted on June 6, 2008
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The sky glooms as the night lights open

The darkness fold but the wind seems stolen

Rain pours down and the ink all blotted

So was my heart, my sad soul flooded

– oOo –

For what was a romance of a lifetime challenged

By distance and time and events that happened

As our paths seem to part, our spirits could not

We were two young hearts then who gave it a shot

– oOo –

What started as like turned out into love

And friendship so deep one sweetly could have

All laughters and tears, sunshines and downpours

Played part of the whole, one we could call ours

– oOo –

You may dream now of new things, new places to see

I too may be hoping of what could be of me

I know that some day we’ll turn out to see

All that we’ve wanted were being you and me in we

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Comfort Garden

Posted on June 1, 2008
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If you have been to Davao, you probably have gone to the place where I am blogging right now. I’m at Matina Town Square, a small place where bars light up at night and where a small oval garden compliments the place with a “close to nature” feeling. I love this place. This was always my open space place of solitude. Many people come here often, usually to relax. I come here to “unclutter” my mind and sort things out.

My girlfriend knows how valuable this place is for us. I started to love this place back when I was in college, specifically during my fifth year. I often wait here for her until she finishes her class with the kids. She used to work at a nearby preschool. At that time, I was also crunching up for my feasibility study since I was a graduating student. This place became my comfort zone, my escape to a week’s worth of stress.

Now, I came to once again release my tense mind. It’s one of the best place to blog for me (second probably to boracay, hehe). I do hope I find my place too in the new place I’m going to. This is big for me. As you know, I used to be stressed out with changes in my life pattern. That made my life so much of a bore. Now, I’m trying to make it up, head on with a smile in my face. A smile always brighten up a day.

I know I’ll still be back to this little place of ours. Someday. Some sweet day.

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The Only Way to Go is to Move Forward

Posted on May 31, 2008
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This morning, I got a call from the company I have been applying at. I have waited for this call for more than a month now. The result – I got the job. I tell you , as the job description was relayed through phone, I got overwhelmed. It hasn’t sinked in yet, even till now at the time of writing. The scope is big. Good thing I have 3 months to learn the craft. For sure, they won’t endorse to me what I couldn’t bear, hehe.

The offer is really good and the company, a really big one. You can find their products all around you. For sure it’s an offer of a lifetime. But honestly, there is still that part of me that clings on to the life I have known to love – to be in Davao, living a peaceful, comfortable life, tinkering with my computer in my room, waking up late, having a coffee while watching the garden. Yes, the job requires me to work somewhere else, specifically, Makati. Just the thought of it makes me tremble a bit. I have seen quite a lot of Metro Manila and honestly, the life there is one I never dream to have.

Still, I believe that every event in our life brings with it a purpose. I know not yet what this brings me. Hmm, I remember my little prayer a few months ago. I told Him that I hope I could get a job with the course I studied with a twist of Info Tech. True to it, I got a position just like the one I prayed about. Waaaah. Be careful with what you pray for, I tell you.

I did call some of my siblings right after the job offer and for them, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I agree. My thinking is if this really doesn’t work out for me after doing my very best, then Davao is still waiting for me with open arms. It would be much more difficult to deal with “what might have been” issues later, hehe.

After almost a year of unemployment and making the most out of my blogging and web designing and graphics editing earnings, I went to the thinking of how I want my life to be in the next five or ten years. I have always wanted to have my own family soon and, thinking if I would remain with what I am doing right now, for sure I wouldn’t be able to give my family a descent life. I mean of course, I want the best for my future family and my current earning doesn’t even allow me to have a health insurance. Somewhere down the road, I decided to give it a try again with the corporate world. And here it is, knocking at my doorstep – again.

God really does work in mysterious ways. Really really fascinating. His timing and placing of things, if you’re keen enough to observe are really small miracles of life. I think this is what this is all about. This change in my life is a chance to prove that God has been and still is, making tiny miracles in our lives today. I know not yet in what form those will come but I’m quite sure there will be a lot of it.

For sure he has been doing those tiny little miracles on you too. Have you tried getting really worried of being late on an exam, only to find out that the teacher got sick and that the exam was postponed? Or have you tried needing a certain amount of money to get home when suddenly a friend comes and treats you with a free ride in the jeepney? I realized now how I have been missing out the good stuff that happens day after day after day in my life. I forgot how powerful He is against the biggest problem we could ever imagine. This is a chance to prove it once more.

A new place, a new culture, a new job. Life is a constant change. Imagine living your incoming five years the very same way you spent your last five years. Lousy. Very Lousy. Not to mention you, being bored to death. The good thing is, God is a God of variations and fun. Look at all the creatures of the ocean or the peoples of the world. The variations are simply illustrations of how infinite God’s creativity is. The that each of us take are nothing different. Each are hand-crafted by God with its tiniest details. Not that we no longer have a choice on how to live our lives. But if we heed it, you’ll find your life much much more exciting and fun!

I hope we are sensitive enough to how God is molding us in every situation we are in. We are dynamic people created by a limitless God. I don’t deny the fact that I have anxieties and fears. Yet, choosing to always look at the brighter side of life seems to be the best option for now. For me, the only way to go is to move forward. Just don’t forget to smell the flowers along the way (keeping a listening heart and clasping hands).

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Captains of Our Ship, Masters of Our Soul

Posted on April 4, 2008
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This was supposed to be a response to Ev’s comment on the To Be or Not To Be entry but before I knew it, it became a tall response. So I decided to make it into a post. Here it goes:

Ev: i personally believe that when you go for something of course there where you should put your heart so that it can be more fruitful, unless you don’t have a choice and thats the only way you can serve good meals on your table, then its a risk too.

life is always full of challenges and of making decisions. i dunno if i got your entry right, but i hope i make sense here, somehow!;D

dwordpresser: Well, i agree with you Ev. Lucky are those who can choose what they want to do to earn a living. I have seen a bit of how those who don’t have a choice settle for a meager wage, just so he or she can “can serve good meals on his or her table” as you mean to say.

Well, I guess life is just like that, unfair. And it will never be fair. There will always be the poor, the rich and the filthy rich.

For me, it doesn’t matter whether a person is rich or not. What concerns me more is whether you truly happy with your life or not. If you can sincerely answer your self in the silence of your room that life is beautiful no matter what, whether you have everything you want or don’t have anything but your family and loved ones, then I guess you can truly be happy.

I guess how you handle life’s challenges no matter what your status is, is also important . I know a lot of rich guys and gals my age and, boy, can they really throw their life away or what. There are exceptions to this of course. It’s between them and God.

Each of us have a life to live. We may decide to give it purpose. We may also decide to end it. God does not push people around. He gave us free will. That alone gives meaning to our lives for we become the “captains” or our lives. The bigger challenge would be whether we can give it back to Him who gave it to us in the first place or not.

Giving back the control of our lives to God is never easy. I have tried it personally and is still trying. In fact, it takes a lifetime for many to do so I believe. Taking control of our life is just “so human”. Commonly, we hear in movies and even in our relationships the question “who are you to take control of my life?”. Many times and subconsciously, we say that to people, and we don’t go far on what we tell God (if you believe in God in the first place).

We humans are obsessed with our lives. Well, its the only thing we have when we first came out of our mother’s womb. The search for immortality has always been a subject of many movies of magic. Yet, these did not came out of magic. That search of eternal existence is innate within us. Why do we struggle to live? Why do we go to the doctor when we get sick? Why do we grieve when we know that we are dying of cancer? It’s because life has become so much more important to most of us than anything else.

You can choose how to live your life, its your call. You can try to scour the universe in search for that elixir of eternal life. You can try to take hold of your life as tight as possible just to prove how self-managing you are. You can even hoard every possession and material vanity you can afford to have. Or, you can try to constantly remind your self that life is fleeting and what really matters is how you take the daily challenges of life, how you relate to others and how people will remember you when you are gone.

The possibilities, combinations and permutations are endless. The road is yours to take.

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To Be or Not to Be

Posted on March 28, 2008
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If you are asking if this is just a “Spur-of-the-moment” entry, I’ll tell it is. But I hope you could share your thoughts on this.

It is actually about my career path. After a few months being out of work and earning solely from blogging (which I really don’t have regrets as I am earning way much more financially), I finally decided to try my best again in applying for big companies. I have two applications right now that I am eying. One would allow me to stay in Davao while the other would require me to work in Manila. The work in Manila would surely be much higher in terms of pay and benefits. That would mean more demanding work. The work in Davao would be I believe much more relaxed, giving you more time to spend with your family but with way much smaller compensation.

Although both applications are still in the process (and I am still not sure whether I get any of the jobs or not), the question remains. That is: should one live up to the challenge of a busy, dog-eat-dog life just to earn much for my future or would that only rob a person of true happiness? This has long been running in my mind ever since I graduated from college and somehow, many people around me tell me to “try it out in the big city” so to say.

When I left my previous job, I had time to learn what I love to do, and that is web development. I even learned how to make money out of it and earned much more. Fairly enough, I am happy with it. Well, at least for now. Still, I understand that in terms of stability, blogging and web development have issues, if you know what I mean. I guess that’s why people (some friends, family and loved ones) ask me to try it out to the bigger world. That is why another question sprang up my mind. Is one lifestyle way above the other? Or is it merely how you make out of whichever you find your self to be? Is it right to keep on chasing your dreams of clear blue skies and rainbows or is it stupid to live in a dream?

I know it’s a bit unfair not to give the “big city” a chance since I have not yet been there myself for too long (except for work-related and personal instances I have seen the lifestyle and the people in the big city). Sometimes, the thoughts just crowd up in their until its stuck.

I try my best not to stress my self out on this. At the end of the day, it’s pretty much about what comes your way and how you decide to live it. But when given the crossroad, how should one decide?

Maybe you have been on this road before. I hope you could share a bit on how it was. Or maybe you are facing the same situation right now. We could share the burden :)

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A Chilly Morning and a Life to Live

Posted on March 21, 2008
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I woke up in a chilly, rainy morning. It was a bit late, around 10:00 am. I had to do a few things the night before so had to keep up with sleep. My day actually began pretty well. I folded the blanket like I usually do, reach for my sleepers and unlocked my room door. I reached for the pot for some hot water and made myself a cup of hot cocoa. I looked outside the window as the light breeze touched my skin. There was no one in the house except me. My parents went to my grandparent’s house to see them for the holy week. It’s Maundy Thursday today.

Yep, I’m alone for the holy week. I really have to stay as I was expecting my uncle to come to continue with the house construction he’s been doing for more than a month now. Unfortunately, he had to cancel since it was raining since last evening. The rain isn’t really that hard but I guess he needs a break too. It was okay but that left me alone at home.

At first it was okay. I was even kidding my sister online about how I felt waking up alone in the house in a cold morning. I said I really felt how it is to live as an eligible bachelor. She told me to just savor the moment.

I had plenty of time throughout the day – something that I love to have. It just lets out my thoughts, whatever that’s left locked up in my mind. It’s a mental freedom I always cherish to have.

After lunch, I decided to plug-in a few movies, first of which was “The Myth” movie by Jackie Chan. My brother lend me a dvd compilation of a few Jackie Chan movies so I had a great time watching oriental action. When I have plenty of time (like today), I really like to internalize the messages in movies. A line from the movie struck me. It was from the princess who said “Why do we struggle so much to live, when we just become slaves of our destinies”. It was really beautiful (and the princess was pretty by the way). The princess was betrothed to a certain royalty but fell in love with the military general instead. For her, the rites and rituals of becoming a princess was too much. All the riches and status were hindrances to true freedom.

Aside from the impressive stunts that Jackie Chan pulled out that entertained me, the movie left me to thinking again about happiness and freedom and life. There is still that side of me that wants to dream again and again. I know much are entangled with my emotions but the mere presence of such in my heart, more than in my mind leaves me asking questions. Are there things higher than what meets my reality now? Are we set to each of our own higher purpose or am I simply a hallucinating guy disconnected from his immediate reality?

I guess what I am saying is, there are moments in our life that we pause for a minute and ask ourselves the meaning of our lives. I guess you have those moments too – a reflective, retrospective time that makes you ask the purpose for your very existence. Often times, we get too busy with work and daily tasks that we forget why we are doing such things in the first place.

After the movie, I watch another movie (still a Jackie Chan movie) and another and the last one is a movie by Nicholas Cage – The Weatherman. The latter was a story of a man who tried to refuse how the world sees him but then later on went in with the flow of life. The movie wasn’t asserting much of a point really but rather leaves the audience thinking for themselves on how they are going to make those things up in their own lives.

There was a part of the day that I felt alone. Tonight, I’ll be sleeping alone in this house in a cold bed, waiting for the sun to shine again the next day. Indeed, no man is an island. No matter how loner I thought I was before, a company would always lighten up the mood compared to being all alone. I might enjoy the view in our garden, the trees swaying softly in the breeze as drops of rain poured down every leaf. But having no one to share the moment, I only feel more and more sad by the minute. I dished out the idea immediately, preventing further damage but the thought was there already.

I decided to make the moment more productive – and decided to blog about it. So here I am.

If there is one thing I’ve learned today, here it goes: that life is full of seasons, a cold icy winter, a hot sunny summer, a lively spring and an melancholic fall, each play an important role in making us what we are – humans.

This chilly morning that I woke up to was just a morning amongst the mornings of my life. Though time seem to fly so fast throughout the day, it still had its part on making me appreciate the life I’m living.

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Keep it Going Amidst Pain

Posted on February 10, 2008
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Last night, we went out with friends and had a nice dinner on one of the restaurants in the city. The setting was beautiful and serene. The restaurant was located in the banks of a lagoon. It was raining a bit though so the wind was quite cold.

I was starting to have a cold. Maybe it was with the drizzle the other night after the gym. Right before going home, I received a text message that asked me if I am available for interview the morning after. It was an application for a job a few months ago. It’s really a huge opportunity since it’s a multi-national company with its head office based in Europe. I readily replied with a yes, even though I wasn’t feeling any better that time. I though to my self, I have to keep going in spite of my minor cold.

The morning came and the cold I was hoping to subside went worse. I was drinking a lot of water already but my system is just weak in fighting cold viruses. I did a bit of stretching just to wake my muscles up. The thought of canceling the interview also went into my mind by the interviewer went here all the way from Manila, the capital and didn’t have enough time for another schedule of interview. So, I decided to keep it going amidst pain. My nose was starting to run too so I had to stuck menthol candies during the interview.

I was able to reach the interview venue right on time. It all went fine and well. I was trying to keep my attention while my head starts to ache. I am not sure yet whether I get the job or not at this point but at least I did my best during the screening process so far. After the interview, I started to have a fever so I decided to see a masseur. Massage has always been a relief for me from colds and flu.

After a relieving sleep for about two hours, I felt better so I decided to blog my experience. It really made me think of one thing about life. I realized that life is not always about feeling good about something. Life is full of ups and downs, one time your well running and another, you’re dead sick. But then, life must go on. Some may have experienced the loss of someone they dearly love. They go through it, they weep, they grieve. But then, life must go on. That’s just it is in life. Until we ourselves die, we will always go through the cycle of life.

Finding meaning in this cycle would then be up to us. We are deciding beings. We decide on things, what to believe and what not to believe, what to do and what not to do. Life is only as meaningful as we want it to be. If we decide to believe in a loving and caring God, then, we find meaning in it. If we decide to believe in the value of our work, how helpful we are to others in the little corner of our office, then we can find meaning in it. In whatever we decide to give meaning to our lives, let us remember that it would keep going and going until we depart from this life. Those little things were in we find meaning become big things in its full essence, in the limited lives that we have.

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Things Happen For A Purpose

Posted on February 10, 2008
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I was reading my dad’s reader’s digest the other day and bumped into an inspiring story about a lady named Anya Peters. You might know her story already or even read her book. For those who haven’t done any of it yet, her story can be read in her blog at http://wanderingscribe.com.

Many of us do blogging for comfort, as a sound board and even for money but for Anya, I believe it did more than that. It somehow changed her life. Blogging became her relief, even her comfort during her ordeal in nothingness. What she went through unfolds in her blog and her book which is now available worldwide.

I believe what happened to her went about with a purpose. Could it be for her to see her life in a different light, for her to encourage others? There are many possibilities. For sure, her hardships had made thousands of readers reflect on their own lives and her blog was more than a page in the internet but a life story that has touched others.

May you continue to inspire others Anya.

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