I went home early today. I had a training from 8am to 5pm so I get to go home by 5:20pm or so. As usual, I took the route I usually take walking back to my apartment.

It’s funny what happens when you spend too much time alone – you get to ask a lot of questions about yourself and your life. I have always wondered and this evening, I did again, why I have issues with having a job. It’s not really about a specific job like the one I have right now but more of… why do we need to work.

I might sound stupid about this. Maybe I am. But please pardon me. This is something I did not grow up with – having the right attitude towards work.

When I arrived at the apartment, I had a little time resting alone in my room, half naked with the lights turned off. I was resting my mind when I fell asleep for awhile. It was more of a nap actually. When I woke up, I decided to get some dinner. I bought some around the corner and treated myself with a movie entitled “Pursuit of Happyness” by Will Smith. Yes, the title is misspelled but try to watch the movie and you’ll understand why.

Well, expectedly (as I presume you are guessing as well) the movie gave me insights to my question.

You see, all the while I thought I was looking for real happiness in my work. I was wrong. I realized it was not true happiness I was searching for but immediate gratification – gratification with having fun at work, gratification with finding people to listen to your rants, gratification with things even outside work. I wasn’t looking for it at the wrong place. I was looking for the wrong thing at my work.

I realized that true happiness isn’t something you feel yourself. True happiness is finding someone else find happiness because of you. That kind of happiness is what drives you to overlook your own emotions, your own concerns, your own issues. Thinking about someone else outside yourself gets you going even if you don’t feel fine. Seeing people you love most being happy makes you happier than they themselves are. It’s the key to satisfaction. It is the key to finding real happiness. It drives you like the gasoline in a car. You have the engine. You just got to let it run with other people’s happiness as the fuel.

Looking into myself at the moment, there has been a few “givens” that I believe are factors to why I feel such. One is, I am the youngest in the family and I grew up not minding any younger sibling but myself. My immediate satisfaction is the driving force. Second thing, I grew up in a family where a job is done not because it is self-rewarding but because there is a consequence for not doing the job right. I grew up doing household chores out of fear and not out of love. I don’t regret this nor do I blame my parents for it. I believe things happen for a purpose and, as one good and knowledgeable colleague told me during my latest business trip, there is a time for everything. And I believe this is the time for me to learn that. I know learning it is more than just realizing it, but at least it is a start.

Saying such, I realize day by day the purpose why I got this job. Well, for one, all I wanted a few months back was actually finding a job where I could practice my course and at the same time work on something related to information technology. Next to that, I desired for a job that gets me to save for my future when I decide to settle, get married and start my own family. That dream job is basically my job right now. And, not to brag, I admittedly am in one of the best multinational companies in the world.

I just realize how much I despise the gifts I have been receiving just because I do not get immediate gratification with things I face. The movie I watched awhile ago made me realize that. I know I still have a lot to do to get a regular status for the job and often times, I just think in advance that in case I don’t get the job, I could just go back to my home town and do stuff for a living on my own. I don’t mean to degrade what I have back at home but then I realized that often times, whenever I think of such, I am just actually giving myself an excuse not to do my best with what I have right now. I mean, one knows deep inside when one gives his best to something or not. This job is a gift and God wants me to be a good steward for it. If, in the best of my knowledge, I know that I have given my best to it but still not get a regular status for the job, then I would know that the training period was enough for me to learn the stuff I need to know on this experience.

But, until then, I must patiently and consistently seek true “happyness” at work or with my loved ones. Only then will I find fulfilment and do my best in whatever I do.

As a figure of speech, here is my take: The mist is getting thinner and the road is getting clearer. Your clothes may get damp often, your feet may get tired with walking and your pain may bring tears to your eyes along the way. But then, finding out that the people you carry in your heart remain rested, joyful and happy, then the pain goes away with their laughter.

Whatever you do, don’t forget to cherish each moment. Laugh a lot. Love. Live. After all, we only get it once.